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Chronic headaches are not only terribly annoying and irritating for you, but they also have a huge impact on your social life and your self-image. In this blog I will talk about what this influence is exactly and how far it reaches.

What is Self-stigma?

Self-stigma arises when you start to internalize negative ideas and beliefs from society and apply them to yourself. This causes you to question your self-worth, your own value and your own capabilities.

If we apply this to chronic headaches, this can mean that you start to see yourself as weak, or as a burden. Or you see yourself as unreliable, because the pain sometimes prevents you from functioning optimally.

What is self-stigma?
Self-stigma and headaches

Self-stigma and headaches.

I just wrote that headaches can cause self-stigma, because you start to see yourself as weak or as a burden. Or even as unreliable. But unfortunately, these are not the only ways in which self-stigma is caused by headaches. There are more:

  1. Headaches are invisible.
    Headaches are often misunderstood, because you can’t see from the outside that someone has a headache, or how bad it is. This can lead to you feeling like the world around you is trivializing your headache. The well-known statements “just take a paracetamol” or “everyone has a headache sometimes” are an example of this. It feels like the other person is dismissing your headache as pretentious. This can in turn lead to you feeling ashamed of your headache, or feeling like a failure.
  2. Headaches are unpredictable.
    No matter how well you know your triggers, headaches always come unexpectedly. And preferably when it is inconvenient. Because of this, you can sometimes suddenly miss an appointment and cancel at the last minute. This can reinforce your feeling that you are unreliable. And even if they say they understand and that it doesn’t matter, you can still see yourself as a nuisance.
  3. Dependency.
    Because of your headache, you may have to ask for help more often than you’d like. Or you may have to rely on the understanding of others when you cancel an appointment. This can give you a serious blow to your sense of independence. This can also make you see yourself as a burden. What also doesn’t help in this, is the fact that you constantly feel like you have to explain or defend yourself.
  4. Less social, less active.
    Because you have to cancel appointments because of your headache or even not make any appointments for fear of getting a headache, you can get the feeling that you are no longer participating. This can make you feel like you no longer belong, that you are being excluded. This can result in feelings of loneliness and isolation. And that can have a negative impact on your self-image.

The influence on your self-image.

I briefly mentioned it earlier. Chronic headaches, and the self-stigma that comes with them, can have a major impact on your self-image.

  1. Lower self-esteem and self-worth.
    The fact that you regularly have to cancel appointments can make you feel less valuable to the people around you. This can be at work or in your social life. Because how well do you do your job if you are always absent or cancel appointments with a client? What kind of friend are you if you are always not there? Your sense of your own value and self-worth decreases considerably because of this. It does not matter how understanding your environment is, it is about your own sabotaging voice, about your own feeling.
  2. “But I should be able to do this!”
    This remark comes from a sense of perfectionism. You have created an ideal image for yourself that you have to live up to. Because everyone can do it. If it turns out that you cannot do it, because of your headache, this can make you feel guilty or frustrated. Because if everyone can do it, then you should be able to do it too, right?
  3. Your own identity. Who are you?
    If you have been suffering from chronic headaches for years, that becomes your identity. You become that person with migraine, cluster headaches or tension headaches. Your own qualities, who you really are deep inside, are hidden under this layer of headaches. This has a major impact on your self-image, because you no longer see your own qualities. You only see everything you cannot do and are not because of your headaches.
THe influence on your self-image

The impact on your social life.

Self-stigma not only has a huge impact on your self-image, but also on your social life. How you see yourself and how you think others see you directly affects your interactions with others.

  1. Avoiding social situations.
    Your chronic headaches can cause you to avoid social situations. Either because you are afraid that you will get a headache at that moment, or because you are afraid that you will get a headache afterwards. You are actually isolating yourself. Because you no longer, or much less, go out with people, your social contacts decrease, which can lead to feelings of loneliness.
  2. Overcompensate.
    Because you don’t want to be seen as weak or as a burden by your environment, you do more than you can actually do. You overcompensate. You push yourself far beyond your own limits just to show that you can do it, even when you have a headache. “Don’t complain, just keep going” is the principle. Unfortunately, this will always backfire, leaving you with frustration, exhaustion and ultimately more pain.
  3. Withdrawal.
    Because you don’t want to be a burden to others, you withdraw from various relationships. You’d rather not make any appointments than have to cancel appointments. You’d rather be independent than have to ask for help and understanding. This causes you to lose connection with your environment. While a strong safety net, a strong network can be very helpful in alleviating the emotional side of headaches.
  4. Poor communication.
    Here too, not wanting to be a burden plays a role. In fact, you are doing exactly what you think society is doing. You are trivializing your own headache. You are hiding your own pain, your own struggles, because you don’t want to appear weak. But by doing this, you are creating a gap between you and your environment. Because your environment doesn’t know exactly what you’re going through, they don’t understand you. This leads to misunderstandings, which in turn widens the gap.

Reducing self-stigma.

Now that you know the influence of self-stigma, it is of course nice if you also know how to reduce it. Because that influence is not that great, so the less self-stigma the better.

  1. Acknowledge and accept.
    First of all, you have to acknowledge and accept your headache. Headaches are real, they are legitimate. They are a condition, not a pretense. If you acknowledge and accept your headaches without judging yourself, you will see that others will acknowledge and accept them without judging you. This will only benefit your self-image.
  2. Awareness.
    And with awareness comes education. This applies to both yourself and your environment. Education and awareness about the seriousness of chronic headaches for both yourself and your environment can help to reduce trivialization and counter misunderstandings. And because you inform others about your headache, your sense of shame can also decrease.
  3. Support groups.
    It can be helpful to talk to like-minded people. See if there are any support groups in your area. Or search online for a support group. I also have a special Facebook group for people with chronic headaches. Feel free to check it out.
  4. Self-love and self-compassion.
    Being in pain does not make you less valuable. Be kind and patient with yourself. Allow yourself to be in pain, without judging yourself for it.
  5. You are more than just your headache.
    Focus on your qualities, on your strengths. Your identity is not limited to your headache. Look at what talents and qualities you have and focus on that.
Reducing self-stigma

Are you curious after reading this blog whether and how I could help you? Then send me a message on Instagram. Or contact me via the contact form.

Every month I raffle 2 free headache sessions. During this free session I will look at your headache and its cause with you. I will look at the limiting beliefs that are lurking under the surface and resolve them for you. In addition, I will give you some tips and advice that you can immediately start using to experience less headaches immediately after the session.

My client Karin said about this session: “Immediately after the session I already experienced much less headaches”.

Do you want a chance to win one of those sessions? Then fill in the form here to participate.

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